I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
