The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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