Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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