ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
