I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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