She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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