don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
