I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
