I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
