I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
