playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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