respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
