He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
