Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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