nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
