dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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