i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
