It's Friday. Sex?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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