I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
