i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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