sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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