where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
