dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
