Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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