She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
