Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
