If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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