One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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