babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
