Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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