I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
