shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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