when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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