some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
