I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
