Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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