Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
