I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
