I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
