Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
