I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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