My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
