Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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