is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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