I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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