your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
