I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
