Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
