My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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