guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
