You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I die, sorry about rent.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
