FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
