told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
