i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
