I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
