Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
