careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
