i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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