I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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