Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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