My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
