Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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