He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
